A Strongly-Worded Letter
By Callie Press. Submitted for your amusement, but maybe—just maybe—you might learn a little something while we’re at it. I know I did! Join me, won’t you?
Letter To: [Redacted: Local Radio Station]
Subject: Your DJ [Redacted: DJ name]‘s Performance
Dear [Station Manager’s Name],
Hi! It’s Callie again. This time [DJ’s name] was speaking about a possible Allman Brothers tour after Greg Allman’s recovery. He said it could occur “sometime in the year twenty-and-seventeen.”
“Twenty-and-seventeen” is thirty-seven. I am fairly sure that Jesus was crucified more than four years ago, as we are not living under Roman rule. If he wished to speak in an antiquated fashion, he should have said “the year two thousand-and-seventeen.”
Please reprimand him, and instruct him not to speak anachronistically unless he understands the logic behind archaic speaking patterns. He made me embarrassed on his behalf, and I don’t think your company wants your audience and advertisers to think you intentionally hire nitwits.
Callie [Redacted: Real Last Name]
P.S. And for the love of all that’s holy, please stop playing the same three god damn AC/DC songs. They have a catalog. Dig. I dread hearing his voice because I know ‘You Shook Me (All Night Long)’ will play before I get out of the car.