This Damn Website
I’m really tired of the look of this website. I think I either missed the boat with my notion of what people think ‘erotica’ is, or what an ‘erotic author platform’ is supposed to be, or perhaps I just outgrew my original vision of what I was going to be doing with all this self-publishing stuff. I haven’t cranked out tons of little wankfests, like I originally planned. I haven’t dumbed down my language much, like I originally planned. I certainly haven’t been formulaic, which has just as certainly hurt the growth of my audience. Smutpunk is erotic, but it’s usually not very close to romance. C’est la guerre.
I planned to do so, so many things, and my choices (as well as my means to make any choices, like when I was so sick for so long) have not resulted in the results I was expecting at the outset. Naturally. I knew that would happen, though maybe I didn’t expect how far off my self-expectations would (inevitably) turn out to be. If I hadn’t been sick, it still would have happened eventually, from my mental issues if nothing else, which is still, you know, being sick. I will flake out. I will let you down. Don’t let it bother you too much, because I won’t. Not a little, at least; it won’t bother me whatsoever, except for when it overwhelms and crushes me in despair. But I love myself. I’ll be fine. You do you.
What’s not going to happen is: Callie changes course in her work, as in Callie suddenly starts writing ‘traditional’ stuff. Nah, if I want to do that, it will be a day job. I’ll ghost write, do a job, collect a check, let someone else put their name on it and be done with it. My name is reserved for the things I want credit for, whether they are close to some traditional format, or pure experiments, or something in between. It would be nice to make serious bank, but I’ve been a writer for too long to expect to make real money without being on some kind of treadmill I don’t want to be on. And the look of this site is what my expectations were two years ago.
That means my current website is giving me a hassle, so it’s got to go, baby! It’s more romance than smutpunk. My own website is actively at odds with what I’m really doing. Dissonance is only good in small doses! This damn website. We hates it now.
I thought about doing a harsh prune, but then nothing would grow except more of the same, so I have to break it off and replant it altogether. Or just trash it and get a different kind of thing altogether. So that’s coming up. Now all what, 6 of my regular visitors will know what the hell’s going on when I really break the place! I do expect the more fitting look to make me more eager to use the damn thing though, too.